It’s not the shape or size.
It’s not the look or logic.
It’s – when you giggle, do they giggle back? Do they get your inside joke?
When you crave, do they crave, too? If they don’t have a matching taste in their mouth, do they at least desire the adventure alongside you?
It’s not a shape or flavor of one’s dream. It’s not the wish to be in love, nor the outline of their body alongside yours.
It’s more the parallel desires. Not to give as you wish to receive, but rather to find someone who desires what you can offer. Someone who offers what you lack. It’s a matter of creating a satisfactory reciprocation, a mutual benefit.
It’s also a balancing act of deal-breakers. Each person in a relationship has a breaking point, a line in the sand past which one cannot pass and remain trustworthy, cherished, and personally invested. My deal-breaker must match the needs and desires of my mate, and vice versa, or we have to find a way to comfortably negotiate within those stated boundaries. And one must, simply has to, stay within those boundaries, somehow.
If you know what you desire, that is not enough.
If you understand your partner’s points of willingness and apprehension, that too is not enough.
It’s that you both need to want and desire each other, in all of your daily flux and flow, and care enough about the other’s wants, needs, and desires as much as your own. Their hunger should raise yours. Their frown should speak the language of your own sadness.
This level of empathy is hard, but it is the foundation of true partnership. Reciprocity is a word. Mutual exchange is a concept. This – this is a daily practice, an innate nuance of mutual understanding.
Even when you feel certain that they hold your correctness hostage, that your sense of comfort is blown away, this simple desire will lead you.
It will force you, through kindness, and mutuality.
It will assure you – that you must reach out to your other.
And if you do, through the darkness and the difficulty that every lifetime brings up, reach out to that person –
You might find out that it’s actually you that is being pulled back into the light.