The edits to a normal day

Wandering through my day, focused on a phone call, an answer to a question, assembling The To Do List…
Looking at my professional colleagues, wondering what they think of me, wondering if I care…

 Thinking about my home, the cleaning that needs done, the shopping that needs done, the errands that need run and the schedule that must be lived up to…

Worrying about my family, worrying if I will have time to catch up with them soon enough to meet their hopes and expectations, worrying…

If one is something that is considered normal, thinking about family is more a matter of wondering,  thinking about, even looking forward to. But as soon as you cease to live up to their “normal” expectations of life, it becomes a matter of worrying. Have I done enough for them to still want to deal with me? Are they still willing to keep trying to figure me out? Am I worth the trouble to them?

Feeling adrift in a world of strangers, not because the friends and religious family I have doesn’t know me, but because the family that I was born to doesn’t want to. Feeling adrift in a world of colleagues, because the people who made me taught me that I should be ashamed of myself, despite any preaching about acceptance for all people of all types and all creeds and all religions in this country.

How many of us have been taught to accept others, but not ourselves? How many of us have been taught to fail, to be ashamed, to degrade ourselves because we are honest with our feelings and our personal reality? How many of us have been taught not only to seek our dreams, but to honestly let them happen?

Seek a life that lets others fly. Know that your words have meaning and value to others. We all have rocks that we feel around our own ankles –  kind words, comfort, and acceptance can simply untie them from those around us. We are all chained to this earth, but for some reason it is so hard to release our own shackles. Someone else must do it for us. Someone else must be willing to reach out and acknowledge that the reality of the people around them is acceptable. Because, regardless of how we feel about the matter, what does the word acceptable really mean?

I accept you, as you are, no matter what. Now, if I could only accept me.

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