Desire slides down the throat like a sweet beverage on a hot day. The craving drives you to work harder, accomplish more, look better doing it. The need is not the desire. The need is satisfaction.
But what is it that really satisfies us? Satisfaction is not a thing that can be measured, sold, or even given away. How does one find satisfaction in the modern day?
The short answer is that many never, ever find satisfaction, in general, at all. But then….
There’s a good reason for that. Desire for something one doesn’t have yet feels a lot like being stretched out of body, pulled by your spiritual toes until your body finally has to come too. It’s being inflated like a balloon until you can fit this strange new shape.
It sucks, if we’re completely honest. To be so pushed and pulled, to crave validation, vindication, and just pray that once we get to a finish line it’ll be one we want to actually be. And what if we actually win…
Many of us just give up and walk away. There’s so much to do, after all. So very much to accomplish, maintain, take care of… We are all obligated to so many things. More than ever before in history, everyone can find a place to belong, with all the tasks and goals associated. It’s exhausting! Who has time to care about so many new things constantly?
Besides, every new thing comes with a new place to belong, or not. More people who can reject us, or just “not be that into you.” We can be amazing and skilled and still get rejected, demeaned, shut down. You don’t need to be perfect nowadays. You need to have perfect timing. You need to be in the right place at the right time.
It’s so hard to do that all the time, or to be patient for when it really, finally, now, is the right time.
Do we stop waiting at the bus stop before it arrives? What if we already missed it? What if it isn’t coming?
Burning out on the waiting is almost the rule of our generation. But so many amazing things await us if we can just hang in there a little longer.
I don’t want to wait. I don’t want to have to be enough, to have perfect timing. I don’t want to be patient, or pleasant about it. And I DON’T want to be disappointed.
But I’ll be damned if I’m going to settle for just coming home from work to a couch and a cuddle. I refuse to be merely acceptable. I refuse to accept what the world is simply willing to give me.
I have no patience, tolerance, or liking for feeling twisted in knots, wanting this new possible.
But I won’t not Try.